Social Anxiety

I never knew social anxiety was a real thing until recently.I always thought there was something wrong with me. I think my social anxiety was/is both biologically and environmentally learned. When I was a toddler I hated leaving my Mom at church and would cry to no end. I was afraid of teachers and other students. I always felt intimidated by them. 

In Elementary School I was labeled as quiet and shy. But my shyness went deeper than people knew. It always seemed like I was at the mercy of my classmates as to whether or not they liked me. I remember once hearing a talk about how it was important to chose our friends wisely but I thought that was silly because I didn't think I had any say in who were my friends. Other people were the ones who decided if they liked me enough to be my friend. I was always fixated on finding a best friend but even when I found someone I could call my best friend I lived in fear of losing her or that she would like one of her other friends more than me. 

Becoming and Registered Dietitian

So if you didn't know I'm a nutrition major going into my senior year in college. Since the beginning of my challenges with eating I knew that I wanted to study nutrition. For many years though that was something I didn't know if I'd be able to do. I could barely keep my head above water when it came to my own experience with food. Freshman year of college I pursued treatment at my college for my struggles and slowly but steadily have come to a place of peace with food and my body that I never thought was possible. 

I've always had it in the back of my mind to become a nutrition counselor and work with eating disorders. This was something I rarely voiced because I didn't want to sound hypocritical. However, I think I'm currently at a place where I could be able to help others. So my current career goals for the next couple years involve getting a nutrition internship next year (probably living at home and doing one cause I don't have much money), getting…

Why I will never drink alcohol

First of all let me say that I know this is a controversial topic and a very personal decision. Obviously you don't need to share my beliefs but I thought I'd share them because this is something I feel very passionate about.

1.  If you are a Christian it is NOT a sin to drink (provided you don't get drunk)

I've done research on this topic and the Bible actually has a lot of say about alcohol but no where does it prohibit Christians from drinking in moderation. However, I believe that Christians have become too liberal with drinking, cursing, sexuality, and the like. Just because a person is free to make a choice doesn't mean we need to do so. The Bible talks a lot about being wise in how we live and staying as far away from sin and temptations as possible. 
2. I have personal reasons for feeling strongly against alcohol  Without going into too much detail I'll just say that when I was young, before I understood what alcoholic beverages were, I watched someone clos…

The Dichotomy of Weight Gain

My brain does this thing where it kinda picks an issue to focus/obsess over for a week or so and it oscillates back and fourth between a couple of different things. That's why I take SSRI meds but it doesn't completely prevent my obsessive thoughts. 

The past few days my thoughts have been around my body and fear that I have gained or am continuing to gain too much weight. 

See the thing is that last year I got a period back for the first time in 7 years and at that time I was shocked to find out my weight. It continued to stay around that number and so I was determined to make peace with it and accept that it was my body's set point. A month ago I came home from college and I've started noticing my weight has increased by about five pounds since last year. I know weight fluctuates frequently from a variety of factors (menstruation, hydration, muscle, etc), but I'll be honest and say that it does bother me that my weight has gone up.

I find that I have to argue with m…

Currently June 2018

So I've seen some other bloggers do these posts at the beginning of the month and liked the idea

Currently I am... 

Reading: The novel Stones for Bread by Christa Parrish. It's about the art of baking bread and a girl who owns her own bakery and how she learns to navigate life in the midst of losing her mother at a young age.

Looking forward to: my Aunt B coming next week for my brother's graduation from high school. We don't have much extended family. (I only have one living grandpa who we don't see much and some cousins on my Dad's side who we don't see much) My Aunt is my mom's only sister and she never got married. My mom and her have had a semi-complicated relationship but my mom has stayed in touch with her for our sake and for which I'm grateful.

Enjoying: my cat living in my room. She's literally the sweetest BUT last night she peed on my bed. I will never understand her. I moved her up to my room from the basement about a week ago and she w…

It's Important to get your period even if you don't want kids

I don't ever want to be pregnant. I don't want my own children.

I do want to foster/adopt children but the whole idea of pregnancy really disturbs me.

 I'm not sure where or when this oppositional desire to pregnancy came from in my life but it's something that played a role in my eating disorder. When I was in 5th grade and my body was developing I remember being afraid that I was or would become pregnant because I was starting to look bigger (and I didn't understand how reproduction actually works). This uncomfortableness in my body led me to eventual restriction of what I ate and an obsession
with my stomach looking as small as possible.

 I remember in the depths of my restriction and low weight one evening I was in a drama and we had to wear skirts. Mine was tight against my waist and as I felt my lower abdomen, I was horrified and disgusted because it still wasn't as thin as I wanted it to be. I didn't want my body to have any resemblance of fertility or …

Weened Recap


Our church does this women's conference every year. This year my mom and I were in charge of the food. So we had to be there early at 7:30 and didn't get home until 4. I enjoyed interacting with the other women and I really enjoy being in the kitchen to set up and organize the food. The actual content of the conference was kinda boring. It's only their 3rd year doing it and the lady running it has a lot on her plate right now. 

When we got home around 4 I wasted time on the computer (aka facebook) and then ate dinner and then did some baking and then watched a recap of the royal wedding on tv. I ended up going to bed later than I planned but that's nothing new. 


I woke up at 6 and my mom and I headed out to get the donuts for church at 7. She volunteers once a month to do the morning cafe for church which consists of free coffee, tea, bagels, donuts, muffins, fruit. I help her whenever I'm home. I don't normally drink coffee but yesterday I dran…