Social Anxiety
I never knew social anxiety was a real thing until recently. I always thought there was something wrong with me. I think my social anxiety was/is both biologically and environmentally learned. When I was a toddler I hated leaving my Mom at church and would cry to no end. I was afraid of teachers and other students. I always felt intimidated by them.
In Elementary School I was labeled as quiet and shy. But my shyness went deeper than people knew. It always seemed like I was at the mercy of my classmates as to whether or not they liked me. I remember once hearing a talk about how it was important to chose our friends wisely but I thought that was silly because I didn't think I had any say in who were my friends. Other people were the ones who decided if they liked me enough to be my friend. I was always fixated on finding a best friend but even when I found someone I could call my best friend I lived in fear of losing her or that she would like one of her other friends more than me.
Middle school and high school were much of the same. I suffered with feelings of worthlessness because I felt like I didn't have friends the way that people my age were expected to. Middle school was a terrible time for me as it is for most kids because my whole identity and beliefs revolved around the acceptance of my peers and since they were pursing the same thing, they were often unable to provide the kind of unconditional love, acceptance and friendship that I needed.
Halfway through high school I began meeting with a counselor and the one thing I learned from her was that the way I felt about myself was my choice, not anyone else's. I began to realize that my problem was not my circumstances or the amount or depth of my friendships but was more about how I viewed myself. However I couldn't get past that barrier of social anxiety or the habits of self-consciousness that I'd lived with my entire life.
I was hoping that going into college would bring about a change, that I could be a different person in a way and meet a lot of new people. Going to college actually was a big step in helping me overcome my social anxiety but that was due to a variety of different factors.
1. There were a lot more people around and I met people with similar personalities to mine. The school I'd grown up in was private and there were only 30 people in my entire grade so it was really eye-opening to see the variety of personalities on display in an environment that contained over 2,000 people my age.
2. Everyone is in the same boat at college Our college was really good about getting us connected as freshman and it was exciting to me that everyone was starting on ground floor so to speak. We were all looking for new friends so for once I felt like other people didn't have an advantage over me in this regard.
3. My roommate I had been overly eager to find the perfect roommate and although my roommate wasn't perfect she was a good friend and a nice companion to go through the first year with. Our personalities were both on the quieter end so I didn't feel intimidated by her and through her I was included in doing activities with a group of friends.
4. Being distracted with other things Even now I notice that it's a lot easier for me to interact with people when I have another goal that I'm working towards. (For example it's easier for me to interact with my coworkers at work because I'm there primarily to complete tasks not socialize with them). My primary purpose for being at college was to take classes on my path to become a dietitian. That made it easier to view making friends as an added bonus.
5. My counselor This is probably the most significant aspect that helped me overcome my social anxiety. I met with my counselor primarily to work through my eating disorder issues but we ended up talking a lot about my social anxiety and she was the one (I think) who gave it this name. She also recommended I start taking Zoloft which is a common medicine used for anxiety, obsessions, depression, etc.
Social anxiety is still something I'm working through, but I now have the tools that I need to help myself process through it when I need to and it's not something that dominates my everyday life as it once did. I hope to talk more about this in future posts. If you have questions or comments about my journey with social anxiety please, please, please reach out. I have a passion for helping others who struggle with low self-esteem because I know from firsthand experience how truly debilitating it can be. I definitely don't have all the answers but I'd love to help you in any way possible.
In Elementary School I was labeled as quiet and shy. But my shyness went deeper than people knew. It always seemed like I was at the mercy of my classmates as to whether or not they liked me. I remember once hearing a talk about how it was important to chose our friends wisely but I thought that was silly because I didn't think I had any say in who were my friends. Other people were the ones who decided if they liked me enough to be my friend. I was always fixated on finding a best friend but even when I found someone I could call my best friend I lived in fear of losing her or that she would like one of her other friends more than me.
Middle school and high school were much of the same. I suffered with feelings of worthlessness because I felt like I didn't have friends the way that people my age were expected to. Middle school was a terrible time for me as it is for most kids because my whole identity and beliefs revolved around the acceptance of my peers and since they were pursing the same thing, they were often unable to provide the kind of unconditional love, acceptance and friendship that I needed.
Halfway through high school I began meeting with a counselor and the one thing I learned from her was that the way I felt about myself was my choice, not anyone else's. I began to realize that my problem was not my circumstances or the amount or depth of my friendships but was more about how I viewed myself. However I couldn't get past that barrier of social anxiety or the habits of self-consciousness that I'd lived with my entire life.
I was hoping that going into college would bring about a change, that I could be a different person in a way and meet a lot of new people. Going to college actually was a big step in helping me overcome my social anxiety but that was due to a variety of different factors.
1. There were a lot more people around and I met people with similar personalities to mine. The school I'd grown up in was private and there were only 30 people in my entire grade so it was really eye-opening to see the variety of personalities on display in an environment that contained over 2,000 people my age.
2. Everyone is in the same boat at college Our college was really good about getting us connected as freshman and it was exciting to me that everyone was starting on ground floor so to speak. We were all looking for new friends so for once I felt like other people didn't have an advantage over me in this regard.
3. My roommate I had been overly eager to find the perfect roommate and although my roommate wasn't perfect she was a good friend and a nice companion to go through the first year with. Our personalities were both on the quieter end so I didn't feel intimidated by her and through her I was included in doing activities with a group of friends.
4. Being distracted with other things Even now I notice that it's a lot easier for me to interact with people when I have another goal that I'm working towards. (For example it's easier for me to interact with my coworkers at work because I'm there primarily to complete tasks not socialize with them). My primary purpose for being at college was to take classes on my path to become a dietitian. That made it easier to view making friends as an added bonus.
5. My counselor This is probably the most significant aspect that helped me overcome my social anxiety. I met with my counselor primarily to work through my eating disorder issues but we ended up talking a lot about my social anxiety and she was the one (I think) who gave it this name. She also recommended I start taking Zoloft which is a common medicine used for anxiety, obsessions, depression, etc.
Social anxiety is still something I'm working through, but I now have the tools that I need to help myself process through it when I need to and it's not something that dominates my everyday life as it once did. I hope to talk more about this in future posts. If you have questions or comments about my journey with social anxiety please, please, please reach out. I have a passion for helping others who struggle with low self-esteem because I know from firsthand experience how truly debilitating it can be. I definitely don't have all the answers but I'd love to help you in any way possible.
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