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Life Update 9/17

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Here we go... 

College Life- I really like this semester so far compared to all other semesters. Everyday I thank God for the friends he's brought into my life. People I can literally  be myself with because growing up I was never able to do that. Loving my nutrition and psych classes. Haven't had much homework which is weird considering this is supposed to be a hard year. 

Thing I don't like-Working at my school dining hall. It's just really boring and long. 

Food and Body- So I can honestly say I'm at the best place I ever have been with intuitive eating and having peace with food. I'm learning to listen and respect my body. Sometimes I'm really hungry so I eat more than I normally do. Sometimes I'm not super hungry but I eat a lot because I have a strong appetite. There's a BIG difference between appetite and hunger. Sometimes I'm really busy and or lots of food isn't available so I don't eat as much. Mostly I eat salads and beans and ch…

Transitions once again

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Hey readers! So when I started writing this blog at the beginning of summer I wasn't sure where it would go or how long I would keep it up. This week I moved back to college and with the start of the new semester looming I know I'm going to have even less time to do blogging things. However I'm not planning to stop completely. I'll try to do an update post about once a week. 

So here's an update so far. On Sunday my mom drove me over to college, we stopped at Panera for lunch and she helped me move in. I had trouble finding my room at first because I forgot the number and ended up knocking on random people's doors which was just slightly embarrassing. This yr I'm living with 2 other girls instead of one. It's definitely going to be an adjustment because I'm used to having a lot of time and space to myself but I'm taking it one step at a time. 

We had to come a week early to work at the dining hall on campus. I've been off yesterday and today b…

WIAW and my unique eating habits

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Intuitive eating is such a long journey that I'm still learning about. I'm pretty good at knowing when I'm hungry or when I have low blood sugar and I'm good at knowing what I want to eat. 
But I have a really hard time going away from a meal or snack without wanting to eat more of something else. Often I will eat small bites of other food or snacks in my room. 
I'm not really sure why I do this but it's something I'm learning to be aware of without being judgmental with myself. I think still being hungry or unsatisfied is definitely part of the reason I don't want to stop eating. For now doing a little bit of snacking after a meal is the way I eat and I'm okay with that. I believe every person eats in a way that is unique to them and as long as it isn't causing emotional or physical distress or health problems there's no reason to change your habits. 

typical greek yogurt and banana smoothie with pb&j toast 
Went to a Chinese buffet with my…

Weekend Update

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Friday: Worked from 6-11. Had fun being silly in the backyard with my mom and brother. I was planning to go for my normal run on the treadmill but was tired from getting up early and decided not to. 
Saturday: I did my normal workout which consists of running and stretching. Then I had to do some adult stuff and getting my banking and credit card system better under control. Then I went bra shopping at Victoria's Secret which I've never done before but I needed a new bra and I wanted a high quality one. 
Sunday: I had been hoping to help my mom and brother with the breakfast setup at our church but I got scheduled to work at 6:30 so I went to work until 3 and then I was really tired. I've been trying to finish up the Karen Kingsbury book and Intuitive Eating book I've been reading. Then I helped my family sort through change they had saved up and it came out to $81. I also tried to make a pb pie from Chocolate Covered Katie's recipe. It turned out ok. I think it wor…

WIAW

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Less than two weeks until I go back to school! So excited for the new semester and to see friends but also sad to see summer go. 
Today I went for a 2 hr walk with my friend at the park which was really nice. Perfect weather and perfect friendship. 
Here's what I ate yesterday. I also sometimes eat bites of food that aren't shown.


Had to get up at 5am for work. Ate the crackers and milk in the car and the nut bar and apple on break later that morning. 

turkey burger with guacamole, quinoa 

A piece of this cheesecake from chocolate covered katie's recipe.  My family didn't like this because it was made with greek yogurt and wasn't sweet enough, and i'll agree it doesn't exactly taste like the cheesecake they're used to so I'm freezing it and I'll probably eat it periodically. 

Chipotle! We had a buy one get one free coupon which was fun. I try to avoid getting the super spicy ingredients, but I somehow end up with a burning mouth anyway. It's…

I want to be more beautiful than you

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I want to be thinner, more beautiful, and ultimately more attractive than you are! 

Is that a prideful statement or what? Of course I would never say this to anyone's face but in my heart I know it's the truth. 

Often my thoughts are not statements I'm telling myself but rather ideas mixed with feelings. For this reason it's taken me a while to actually get to the core of my obsession with comparing myself to other people and desiring to look a certain way. 

For years I've known that my eating disorder was sin but I never really understood why. How was it wrong to want to look and be my best (inaccurately defined as the thinnest I could be)? How was it wrong to want to eat healthy and exercise?  I've always known I was an insecure person whether it's related to my physical appearance, my social skills, or my ability to perform in certain tasks or activities. But is low self esteem sinful? Yes and no. I think it truly depends on the situation and the person. On…

when your set point weight is higher than you want

Hey guys! So this is not a WIAW post sadly but it is very important. Last week I weighed myself for the first time in 3 years. I understand this is not always a good idea but for me I wanted to know what my healthy set point weight is (determined by where I menstruate) and make peace with it. Anyways I was really surprised that the number was much higher than I thought it would be. It was a little above the weight I was when I was 13 before all this began. Honestly that scared me and I've been thinking about myself more negatively because of it,  but I'm determined to fight the inaccurate beliefs I hold about my body and appearance. 

Here's how I've been fighting 

1.  Telling others my emotions. I normally process things best internally but with this I've discovered I have too many obsessive thoughts about it so it's been helping me to tell other people my feelings.
2. Reading other girls' stories. We are not in this alone! And that's what's so cool. I…