Imperfectlyperfect

I don't ever want to be pregnant. I don't want my own children. I do want to foster/adopt children but the whole idea of pregnancy really disturbs me.  I'm not sure where or when this oppositional desire to pregnancy came from in my life but it's something that played a role in my eating disorder. When I was in 5th grade and my body was developing I remember being afraid that I was or would become pregnant because I was starting to look bigger (and I didn't understand how reproduction actually works). This uncomfortableness in my body led me to eventual restriction of what I ate and an obsession with my stomach looking as small as possible.  I remember in the depths of my restriction and low weight one evening I was in a drama and we had to wear skirts. Mine was tight against my waist and as I felt my lower abdomen, I was horrified and disgusted because it still wasn't as thin as I wanted it to be. I didn't want my body to have any resemblance of...

Saturday:  Our church does this women's conference every year. This year my mom and I were in charge of the food. So we had to be there early at 7:30 and didn't get home until 4. I enjoyed interacting with the other women and I really enjoy being in the kitchen to set up and organize the food. The actual content of the conference was kinda boring. It's only their 3rd year doing it and the lady running it has a lot on her plate right now.  When we got home around 4 I wasted time on the computer (aka facebook) and then ate dinner and then did some baking and then watched a recap of the royal wedding on tv. I ended up going to bed later than I planned but that's nothing new.  Sunday:  I woke up at 6 and my mom and I headed out to get the donuts for church at 7. She volunteers once a month to do the morning cafe for church which consists of free coffee, tea, bagels, donuts, muffins, fruit. I help her whenever I'm home. I don't normally drink...

Body image isn't about the way you look. It's about the way you think you look.  #notmypicture  I'm a very average person with an average BMI. I've come a long way in accepting how my body looks. See, I still wish that I was thinner but I'm able to recognize that it's my mindset that needs to be changed not my body. I know that where I am right now is at a healthy place physically and mentally.  I also know that my body can't function well past a certain weight. Some people's bodies can but mine cannot and that's 100% ok. 1. Getting help.  The right kind of help. I've been to counselors in the past and they never really helped me.  But my counselor at college was used to working with people with eating disorders and she helped me tremendously through my recovery.  She also recommended I take zoloft for my anxiety and obsessive thoughts which I think has really helped me.  2. Learning about intuitive eating  Part of...