Friendships

One of the things I've always struggled with is being satisfied with my friendships. Ever since I was younger I've wanted a friend who was exactly like me. I had a couple people I could call best friends here and there but even as I grew older, and especially in middle school the desire for a best friend/ copycat version of myself never went away. If nothing else it only intensified. 

I've already talked a little about my social anxiety and insecurity but here specifically I want to talk about the idea of a best friend. I've always had this idealistic view that having a best friend involves spending the majority of your time together, finishing each others' sentences, knowing everything there is to know about each other, sharing secrets, and having security in knowing no one else can every take your place as that particular person's best friend. This is what the movies, tv shows, and books I read portrayed. American Girl books were notorious for this. I know they mean well but those stories are ridiculously idealistic and I believed that's how my life should be. Let me tell you that I never actually found what I was looking for. Even now I sometimes wrestle with desiring to gain status for myself by having someone to call my best friend. Here is an excerpt from something I wrote recently.

I crave to go deeper in my friendship with some of my closer friends but what does that mean? I’m not exactly sure what it is I’m craving. I think it’s to have someone just like me. Someone who understands my every thought and with whom I can share many experiences and interests  and spend a lot of time with. I want to be someone’s everything. I want to be someone’s very best friend and have them love me very deeply.

But I don’t know how to have that kind of friendship. I don’t know what to do or what to say. Right now the strongest friendship I have is with my family members and even that isn’t perfect because we think about things differently and have different interests.

I know people who are very similar but not identical to me. Nor should they be. That would be bad. There can’t be duplicates of the same person. I know that the friendship I share with a person is special and unique. I know that I’m being as open and real as I know how to be. I know that she has and needs other friends besides me because I am not perfect. I am unable to meet all her needs. I also know that I have and need other friends to meet the needs in my life that one person cannot meet because she too is an imperfect friend. There’s not one perfect person and so that’s why we have many friendships and relationships with all different people. Because we can learn and grow and bond with each one uniquely. No human not a friend, not a husband, not a parent is going to be able to provide the depth of understanding, friendship, and love that I need.

The good new is all is not hopeless. There is one who can provide all I need. The Lord Christ Jesus is perfect. I know he can and will satisfy the depth of friendship I am craving. He understands my every thought and emotion more than I myself do. I am so important to him that basically his every thought is about me and he values my friendship so much that he died for me. And if I was the only one in the whole world who needed forgiveness, he would’ve died for me alone. The Bible nowhere specifically states that God calls me his best friend but I believe it can be implied. My best friend is the God of the universe. I lack nothing. 

God is my best friend. That is what I need to remind myself of continually. I know that the idea of a best friend is a stumbling block in my life, an idol, something I long to get my identity and self worth from. It hurts when I see other people share the kind of friendship I've craved my entire life but maybe it is for that very reason that God has not given me a human best friend. He knows that I need to find my value, security, and acceptance in him more than a single person.

On a completely different topic, have you ever heard of the comedian John Crist? I'm honestly not a huge comedian person but I find this guy pretty entertaining. Although my mom and brother don't seem to think so. 

Here's a link to one of my favorite videos by him. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAyViQbhYgI  

Do you find that calling people your friend or best friend gives you an automatic confidence boost? 

Have you ever longed for someone who was almost exactly like you? 

Do you get insecure if your friends talk about their other friends that you don't know?