Imperfectlyperfect

Hey guys! So this is not a WIAW post sadly but it is very important. Last week I weighed myself for the first time in 3 years. I understand this is not always a good idea but for me I wanted to know what my healthy set point weight is (determined by where I menstruate) and make peace with it. Anyways I was really surprised that the number was much higher than I thought it would be. It was a little above the weight I was when I was 13 before all this began. Honestly that scared me and I've been thinking about myself more negatively because of it,  but I'm determined to fight the inaccurate beliefs I hold about my body and appearance.  Here's how I've been fighting  1.  Telling others my emotions. I normally process things best internally but with this I've discovered I have too many obsessive thoughts about it so it's been helping me to tell other people my feelings.   2. Reading other girls' stories. We are not in this alone! And that's what's s

Well I know it's late on Wednesday but it still counts as a WIAW post. Also I promised you guys the story about my Christian Mingle experience.  Ok so I've never had a boyfriend and don't interact much with boys. One night last week I discovered I could make a profile on Christian Mingle for free. So I did. What I didn't realize was that 1 a lot of boys would be able to view it and 2 I wouldn't be able to communicate with any of these people because they want you to pay for the membership.  Well there was this one guy who found me on facebook and we started texting. At this point I told my mom about it and she reacted the way I thought she would thinking it was unsafe. I was praying a lot for wisdom. After several discussions with my mom she helped me see that it was unwise even if he was a really good guy because he was older than me and looking for a much more committed relationship than I'm ready for. It was really hard to tell the only guy who's e

So my weekend was kinda boring but I'll share anyway. I don't really remember what I did Friday but I worked in the evening. On Saturday morning I went to woman's Bible study at church with my mom.  Then we went grocery shopping and my dad made turkey burgers which we had for lunch. I was very tired all day cause I haven't been sleeping as much as normal and I was on my period this weekend (I  still cannot believe it since it's been absent for 7 yrs).  Then I walked on the treadmill and then went to work. There was this car show right outside and we were open an hr later than normal. I got really frustrated the last hr as I was trying to do closing tasks and the people were still in our parking lot. My mom came to pick me up since there was literally nowhere to park. Even walking several feet outside the people made me feel really uncomfortable because I knew they were partying.  Sunday we were planning to go to church but my mom was sleeping so I let her sle

Ok here it is, here's a full day of what I ate on Monday.  Also I've been reading Green by Ted Dekker. I read the other books in this series a few years ago but I never got around to reading this one. Also I may or may not have stayed up past my bedtime last night making a Christian Mingle account.... Typical breakfast of banana blended with greek yogurt and pb and jelly toast mixed greens with guacamole and chicken and cheese  wholewheat waffle with a little icecream and whipped cream  homemade chili with chips and veggies  and watermelon  and a yasso bar 2 homemade cookie things and an apple!   

One of the things I've always struggled with is being satisfied with my friendships. Ever since I was younger I've wanted a friend who was exactly like me. I had a couple people I could call best friends here and there but even as I grew older, and especially in middle school the desire for a best friend/ copycat version of myself never went away. If nothing else it only intensified.  I've already talked a little about my social anxiety and insecurity but here specifically I want to talk about the idea of a best friend. I've always had this idealistic view that having a best friend involves spending the majority of your time together, finishing each others' sentences, knowing everything there is to know about each other, sharing secrets, and having security in knowing no one else can every take your place as that particular person's best friend. This is what the movies, tv shows, and books I read portrayed. American Girl books were notorious for this. I know

So I managed to take pics of mostly all the food  I ate yesterday. Go me! The pictures over-idealize the way I eat. What you don't see in these pictures are the small bites of garlic toast I tried at work and the times I licked the bowl when I was cooking and ate small pieces of the graham cracker and oreos I was cooking with or how I ate a 3rd tiny cookie and had additional pinches of cheesecake and practically licked the pan clean of baked kale.    I'd be lying if I said this didn't bother me at all. It does bother me a little bit or I wouldn't be writing about it but the difference is that it doesn't interfere with my life in the way it used to. I know that my eating habits don't define me. Right now in this season in my life I sometimes eat lots of tiny bits of food that aren't official snacks throughout the day and that's okay. I sometimes eat additional snacks after dinner not because I'm hungry but because I want to. And I'm okay with th

I'm in the best place that I have been for years in regards to eating and my body BUT I still am not where I want to be. I still feel insecure at times. I started this blogging and insta account to help encourage people who are yearning to be free from disordered eating behavior and/or thoughts. I just want you all to know that I don't have it all figured out either. I'm on this journey with you. That said I'm gonna share what intuitive eating looks like for me right now.  Understanding why I need to eat. I used to think that hunger was that empty feeling in my stomach. For me that is NOT a reliable measure of hunger. There are rare days I do hear my stomach growling but often my hunger comes in the form of low blood sugar (getting really tired or hard to focus). Understanding the difference between hunger and appetite  going back to how I know when to eat. Often food just sounds really good or it's the time of day I normally eat so I find myself craving food